Is Perfection Too Much To Ask?

I NEVER THOUGHT SO.  Seems to work for everyone who decides to live with another human being.  Works for every marriage.

When one decides for marriage, they’re done with dating, at last; they’ve found the single person who mirrors their own perfections, and they’re off on tests and challenges and beautiful understandings that only a life with a lovely human being can offer.  The odds against that are barely this side of impossible, yet it happens time and time again, to millions and millions of us.

What makes it work, I think, is the magic of intimacy.  There is one person with whom we can talk about anything, we can splash our imaginations, we can build events that won’t work, but still our dear ones love us.  Without intimacy, some say, what’s the point of living?  Without magic, there are clouds to muffle every sunrise.

I think now that perfections are easier to find when we’re young.  We haven’t learned what doesn’t work, we’re free to design any relationship that makes us smile, and then go ahead and live it.  If it doesn’t quite work, we put it on the Experience page of our ledger, and gradually become comfortable with the life we’ve always wanted.

All the lovely things that blossom for us, the ones we share with our intimate friend, make the life we most enjoy.  By the time we’ve lived for a while, we know what we want from our days, and what we know will be a loss.  Gradually we become perfect at being us.

I look at myself, critically.  Am I perfect?  Basically, of course I am.  I have discovered my can’ts and joys.  Can’t: No smoking, no drinking, no birthdays, no television, no anger, I invite no one that I don’t admire in my house.

Joys: Beauty, just about endless solitude with a perfect Other, laughter, quiet talks about the ways we think, startling events that have touched each of us.  Teaching each other all we’ve learned.  Courtesy.  Flying, of course.  And a puppy.

Since I stopped memorializing birthdays when I was 16 or so, I have no idea how old I am.  I must be 80 or 90.

Which is why I found that perfection on being us tends to keep us alone, unless we’ve been married for a long time.  Our can’ts shut down others we might have loved as teenagers.  Some lovely person lights a cigarette (killed my mom) or drinks a cocktail (killed a friend), I’m hoping I can leave quickly.  I’m too courteous to offend an innocent person, but I want to leave.

There was a dinner a friend suggested years ago.  He suggested a day when all the filming on a movie would be finished, a sort of celebration.  Sounded good.  He and I and two young women.  Yet in the middle of the meal the subjects of talk were somehow difficult for me (I don’t remember what I don’t like) and I thought for a minute and finally said, “I don’t think my mind is here, and I don’t think my body should here either.”  Their looks said What?  I paid for the meal with the waitress, and left.

In one way that was a perfect moment.  In another, it was insufferable.

If that was years ago, have I mentioned how difficult I must be for the few friends who still care for me?

What all this means, for me and for others who have crafted their perfections, is we get used to living by ourselves.  In time, there are so many events that matter to us, that we won’t give them up for a new relationship.  We’d love the intimacy, but the Other won’t trade her sport-fishing for an airplane, or her comfortable apartment for a place alone on a mountaintop, no matter how beautiful is the view.  No one is ready to shift into my life, as i am not willing to shift into theirs.

One learns this by 90 or so.  There’s a reason why living long means living lonely.  I’m responsible for every event that’s changed my life into what it is now.   Thank you, Richard, I think.

For the first time in my life, I’ve quit.  I am not looking for this amazing woman who must be somewhere but I don’t know how to reach her without leaving the life I choose.  Are there many who would love to meet a hundred-something gentleman, no matter how courteous he might be?  Having guessed not, I have defined my new life.

A book to write.  A puppy to walk and care for (even though he kidnaps my sneakers for a difficult time when they’re free).  And beautiful Puff, always ready to fly and land again on lakes and a calm sea.  Intimate talks with the three?

Maybe so.  I have much to learn.

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53 thoughts on “Is Perfection Too Much To Ask?

  1. Yes….and so it will be. I agree that our lives are our design and our choices. It seems that you have been able to define what is most important for you and that has shaped your life up until now. I think a lot of expectations of what love and relationships are all about or are supposed to be are myths. It is always refreshing to read a text such as this to remind myself of these questions:….who defines love, what is it and who defines what companionship and marriage is…who makes the rules? Who writes the plan,who makes the story? In the end it is our own being that is ultimately responsible to ourselves….and, to honor ourselves and to stay in balance means one best make choices that support this. Now, on the otherhand, getting really uncomfortable and stretching into unknown terriority may be easy for some, unthinkable for others…..it depends on the person i think, not so much the age. If someone likes routine and comfort then at any age moving around and getting out of habit is very difficult. And in reverse, if someone is adventurous and super flexible, at any age it would be an easy endeavor to pursue someone.

  2. I sometimes think that the perfect Other need not exist in physical form. If we close our eyes and imagine her/him; isn’t she/he just as real? When we lose our loved ones, be they canine or human or other, do we not remind ourselves they are not really gone, only their sock puppet bodies have ceased to exist; spirit lives on? And so too, with the perfect Other. They exist, even if we can’t see or touch them. Talk to her, Richard. She might just answer you.

    • What a beautiful thing to say. It’s a truth I hadn’t touched till you wrote it, every word: the one I seek, she may live in our afterlife! So many loved ones are there. Talk with her I shall.

      • I have noticed that at least for some people they somehow know their perfect Other but have not met them in person yet here or their perfect Other may be on the Other Side. They sometimes end up in a relationship or marry another person who strongly reminds them of their perfect Other. Later these relationships end because the person they were in the relationship with is not the person or spirit they were looking for. This happened to me and to my brother-in-law. When he remarried, some people told him it was a rebound relationship and would not last. That was decades ago – and we feel he married his first wife because she reminded him of the perfect Other he was searching for and has now. I know my perfect Other is on the Other Side — I’ve seem him in my “dreams”.

    • Sharon -love this reply, ‘sock-puppet bodies’ – a poem?
      I’ve been alone so long now you’d think I’d be accustomed to it, and yet I crave the sound of his voice, the touch of skin on skin, the connection across the room – I ache for love, having tasted it so often, I ache for that boy who died in a car crash, who died too young from an overdose, who died in the middle of the night from a brain-aneurism – I ache too for the furry bodies I once held and their sweet wet kisses –
      how do you kill the ache?

      • It isn’t about killing the ache – it’s about embracing it and letting it be as it is. Only when you accept it, can you live with it.

  3. I’m not sure age has a lot to do with it, at least to someone who truly understands us and could share whatever might bring us joy. I used to think it did until I realized that what I want hasn’t changed much over the years. Yet I do believe it’s a one-in-a-million chance, unless we’re willing to accept something less than the same perfection we see in ourselves.

    I also think it’s good that our “can’ts” shut out those who don’t share them. Seems unlikely they’d share our joys, either. For me, it’s worked as a friendship filter for years. One of my major can’ts is phoniness in any form. Since I’m not good at (or capable of) being anyone other than me, many are turned off or turned away by it. And that’s OK, it doesn’t make them “wrong” or lesser beings, it just is. On the other hand, for those few friends, I don’t think it’s difficult at all to accept us and rejoice in that friendship. They’re the ones who’ve seen us, know us, and gladly accept us.

    I also believe that if reaching that magical perfect Other requires that I leave the life I’ve chosen, I’m not much interested. Nor would I be interested if it required that she leave the life she’s chosen. Either way, someone’s just traded joy and beauty for what, to me, is a living death. But oh how the “just about endless solitude with a perfect Other” has always seemed the ultimate perfection and beauty! Especially in the midst of a snowstorm, but that’s another story. 🙂

    • “…until I realized that what I want hasn’t changed much over the years.”

      Beautifully said Steve. When I examine myself I find the same is true. Amazing how the child already knew (and a pity the adult so often forgets)

      • Thank you, and yes! I was pondering how much we forget as “adults” one day. Opened the Messiah’s Handbook to this: “You will never grow up.” It made my day. 🙂

  4. Reason for wishing to be alone: the tender spirit, so strong and constant in love of seclusion. To escape the perverse and ignorant people who have missed the way to…….

  5. Maybe the thing is that loneliness is more apparent when one isn’t
    married. However, being alone is the grandest illusion in this
    illusion. It happens the moment we believe we have a body in
    space-time. The deal is we are alone as long as we believe in our
    bodies, whether married or not. We learn about separation, about
    having to fend for ourselves. Being alone is what we do Here and Now.
    We are all alone, we are all lonely. How we deal with it is the trick!
    And dealing with it, we learn how it is an illusion. No one can be
    separated from what really is, from what is real.

    Sometimes being married only accentuates the apparent loneliness – it accentuates the differences.

    And yet, at the very bottom of it all – it is completely impossible
    ever to be alone. For you. For me. For everyone.

    • This concept of loneliness, because it is just a concept, is something I’ve found myself facing down recently. MissLouise , your wonderful thoughts renew my vision of what I need to rediscover.
      My own dragon came to try and slay (or free?) me as it were. After decades of marriage (unfortunately not to the One) to what I can categorize as a suitable companion for a certain time in this life, I now find myself face-to-face with only myself again. It’s been such a long time that I realize I don’t even know me anymore. I know the child who was/is, but not this imposter who has been claiming to be me for so long. I don’t dislike this fellow, because I’ve held true to my convictions, but the excitement of the adventure has been missing…
      Well, I allowed myself to be complacent and turn aside all that I had learned so young. I got my first battered copy of Illusions from my Father when I was 11 years old, only a year after its publication. I learned so much with those wide open eyes and perceptions. Now the journey is to unlearn/relearn the last half-a-lifetime for a new day.

  6. As I reach the age of the double nickel (i.e. 55 and the last birthday I am going to acknowledge) I recognize and accept certain realities about myself.
    Yes, I would still like to find a soul mate. Or someone that shares the same ideas of the universe that I do. Will that happen? My circles of what I can accept and will not have tightened over the years. Am I being to picky or narrow? Yes on both counts.
    Do I want beauty in a man or is the simplicity of holding hands walking in the woods sharing thoughts and ideas more than enough? I would rather have the intimacy of the walk anymore versus the dating game of who has what and has done what.
    So my conclusions are easy but complicated at the same time.
    I have not quit being open to it yet Richard. I never hope to close my heart and mind on the what if. I hope you never do as well.
    Sometimes things are pretty easy. And having friends that accept who and what you are become more valuable than any bank account or rah rah on the wall.
    Sometimes that furry hug that you get when you open the door beats any drama a mate may offer in the form of baggage or other complications.
    But in the end, the lacking human touch in the form of a hug or a snuggle does make us still search. Even though we are Ok either flying/kayaking/photographing or whatever our passion is.
    Destiny brings us what we need and when we need it.
    So I look at tomorrow and wonder how the light will effect life and allow me to photograph it. And knowing that I love doing that is worth much.

    • I hope i’m open. But I’ve stopped searching. And the brush of lovely minds here is the beauty we all share.

      • We are lonely only if we beleive that we are seperate. If we are all one, how can we be alone. Love spending time with my within. Where there is complete peace and calmness.There is no distance, male or female or age.Love myself too much 🙂 The only way out of loneliness is to discover your true self. The only way out of anything that troubles us is to know ourselves. You know exactly what I mean. Its the mind up to its tricks :). Let the mind take a hike and within in total bliss. 🙂

  7. Oh, dear friend, What is perfection? Isn’t everything perfect? We are perfect expressions of perfect Love, aren’t we? You’ve quit, you say. That’s perfect, too. If that’s what you want. Maybe you’ve quit looking for what you thought was your perfect woman. Maybe you’re done with being at the five-vowel end of the vowel spectrum. Maybe it is time to change what you’ve learned, and learn new ways… at the twelve-vowel end there is a wider set of possibilities: she’s in the afterlife, she is here but far away, she is an angel, you can actually let illusions fall like snowflakes in a summer meadow, if that’s what you wish… :-).

  8. Best be careful what you post here, Richard. You might soon find scores of women landing by boat, train, plane, or helicopter headed for that mountaintop of which you speak. Jerianne
    p.s. What’s the weather like there? Does one need to pack a sweater?

  9. “I don’t think my mind is here, and I don’t think my body should here either.”
    Seems you didn’t quite get that down right.

    I practice Non-violent Communication and it really helps me to deal with times like the one you had at dinner. Have any of you ever heard of it? What do you think about it? It requires a lot of willingness to be seen.

    I used to just leave without saying a word because I didn’t even want to communicate what was alive in me. I didn’t want to deal with their questions or comments. I got kind of famous for that actually.

    Now if I really want to stay somewhere that isn’t going in a direction that I can appreciate I will make a request. I will start a new topic of conversation. I will lead. Then if that doesn’t work I’ll bolt. I’ve found that it can turn things around much of the time. Some conversations are rudderless and that’s no fun.

  10. Hey Richard…

    In my recent learnings… I have found that: it isn’t about them at all – they are just Donald Shimoda in a mask – remember?… this is all about you and how you can best practice your best ‘you’ at any age in any situation in any lifetime… and what matters most?… “how well did you love… what was the quality of your love?” – not who or how many… but what quality (or as I like to see it these days – what qualities – plural)… and that can be self love, puppy love, island love, food love, writing love, Earth love, universal love, flying love.

    It all goes on inside – you. This is your dream. Your movie. The quality of that love is yours and only up to you.

    And, if your magnetising powers are ‘on’ and being practised and you are talking to your Personal Romantic Relationship Angel and you have imagined ‘her’ “whole and finished” (and in your arms remember!), then that’s all that matters. Love is all that matters. Big love. Perfect love. Anchored beyond lifetimes. Beyond ‘crashes’. All you can be is true to yourself being content with ‘what is’. This is exactly where every decision has led you. “You gave your life to become… “ the best you.

    Relax into being your best ‘you’ and know – that if she exists – she is “bearing down on you like a Mack truck” right now. Follow the ‘lighted road’ of the belief of ‘her’ — the golden thread – archetypal, talismanic and invocative. “Magic!” And before you know it … Shakti appears.

    There is another thing to look at – Tantric magic… we can have our earthly limited beliefs about space-time ‘woman’ – but if we are to be masters of reality – gods! The Shiva/Shakti story of how the two dance together is part of my current path. And moving beyond our limited worldly beliefs of who we are and how we have conditioned ourselves to perceive the world. Google Shiva+Shakti.

    And on top of that, I’m coming to believe, that this Divinely Indifferent ‘Is’ sometimes needs a help through us… because, after all, we ARE the Is as well and the Is wants us to practice too, being divine…. so I figure – my hands and my will can proactively do It’s work and activate all my intuitive connections as well. Help ‘reality’ along a bit.

    So, in your meditations, you could fly your mind over threads in the Pattern and look for bright landing spots… I bet ‘she’ is there! It’s not so much choosing what the qualities are that you want in her but the qualities she might need in you… that you need in you… just to create a magnetic resonance to meet at least. It could be as simple as saying “yes” to more opportunities of worldly engagement – but only ‘land’ if it’s a glowing golden thread in the flight plan.

    If you could throw your flight map at the rain-streamed windows – what place would you imagine it to open at… intuitively?… before you “sink back into the chair and become lighter and heavier all at the same time”?

    Ask for perfection? Yes. Perfection in the quality of your love… and perfection in the quality of your perception of love… the only real is that love… perfect love.

    with love,
    Jay

  11. Beautiful, honest, soulful musings, thank you. And that jaw-droppingly gorgeous photo that looks like an exquisite painting. Life is good.

  12. BEing that our basic predicament is that we humans are orphans that don’t know who are parents are, these questions start when we are young and if we don’t lose our humanity, never cease. I am curious Richard, do you think your ‘Joys’ are hard-wired? Or chosen? Can new joys at this stage of life be developed? The fact that life is conditional means that love is conditional. All relationships are conditional. Unconditional love as a concept is a contradiction (although friends hate it when I say that). So what’s my point? Life is about values. Life is about creation. I can’t help but feel that you value love and intimacy and that you also DESERVE it. Maybe create some new additional values and let this perfect female reach you…

  13. Woops, hit enter… I was saying, be carefull Richard. When ever I give up – it happends. The hard part is to really give up. I think I have only done it twice in my long life. Remember +partner = – fuel 🙂
    It’s comforting to know there are others..
    PS I am so old I remember reading Jonathan in Flying Magazines

  14. It was curious reading that, and rather unnervingly apposite! As I did, one part of my mind was answering all your comments while the other side was reminding me: “Hey, not only are they all your answers, not his, but you can’t make them work either.” It was not a comfortable conversation – although quite funny I suppose.

    Anyway, what you said made me think about what happened when I first discovered your writing, in about 1990. I’d spent the night at a friend’s house on the way, and the friend, a woman I was falling in love with, had a copy of one of ONE sticking out of her bag (left by the sofa on which I slept). My fascination with her was so great that it made me stop off in a book shop and buy every one of your books I could, before going on to airport (and to the non-English speaking country I lived in at the time). This was how I came to read Illusions – the first one of yours I read – which cemented my own sense that it is we who made up the rules of life, not some external absolute truth waiting to be discovered. (You were the first other person I’d come across who thought that too. Quite a moment for me – and ultimately, very humbling!).

    What I have come to see since then, however, is that when we walk our own path, and make our own reality, it is very easy to make it too solid, too firm. That, generally, self-made beliefs and philosophies are free from the objective critical analysis with which we observe other people’s. We get very attached to them. I certainly have and yes, I’ve left friends and relationships because of it. Being aware of this, it became my greatest ambition to, one day, be nothing more than a white haired old man, smiling at everything and everyone, and with nothing left to say. So far, I have only come close to that by seeing other people’s imperfections as ongoing works of art rather than examples of limitation or stupidity – and on occasion, if lucky, my own.

    I am, I admit, helped greatly in this ambition by what a man called Sydney Banks said about thought, in an explanation he termed The Three Principles, but I’m helped even more by remembering I really don’t know anything. That when we make a belief, or even have an opinion or preference, all we have actually doing is slowing down passing thoughts enough for some of them to get sticky and cling to us. There’s a comfort in that, for then I remember that I’m just an observer of phenomenon, not a catcher of truths. Mine or others’.

    It does sometimes feel sad to see that we can watch, or be a part of, but not both. That to be one is to leave the other. And the only way I know in which we avoid that duality is in that feeling you get where you are alone, somewhere beautiful. By this I mean the feeling that was explained well at the end of a 2006 film called Paris J’ taime, by an American Postal worker who found herself experiencing exquisite joy and sadness at the same time, because she was somewhere beautiful, alone. I imagine it happens all the time when flying, but for me it first happened at the top of a Redwood covered mountain in California, after walking up in the distant company of a couple called Brandi and Tom (I took a picture for them) who were clearly deeply in love. It is being unbearably lonely, yet also in bliss. It cannot truly be shared because the beauty is in being alone, with both the small self and the IS simultaneously.

    Maybe simply because, when others are there, we start thinking again… and well, you know… etc. etc.

  15. Hm i see maybe i am only one here who met my soul mate? Friend in your intimacy as Richard said. Someone who is always for u there and never really ve been apart. He is just carry you on in his heart and its make you feel a movements and heat in your own. Your connection is so strong that you always feel know what his up to at the moment is hi feels tired sad or happy. When hi is suffering u feel it so deep compassion that its hurt u to and most u want is realise his pain. I believe when true love is finding us in This life still-our souls meeting up there in the Other Reality and staying together this why its making us feel like we made our universe, own world full of Love. Our thoughts, hearts just beating as one. We become to use a word : “we are”. Becouse we dont feel apart or lonely anymore. The pure inspiration just flow through us all the time and its make bodies feel like burning at the same time huge lightenes like wings growing. When we r together we dont feel that time exist we get lost in a space-the Space of our love. We feel that there no way to come back to ourselfs as we were before we ve reborned for other life in each other. The soul is geting mature just in Love. And there just so much we can do and life become just so brightfull and the invisible spiritual world just become to be touchable visible. The mistery of true love. I am just asking myself why i ve born to be so happy. Why me? Why so much blessing its divine mix of pure happiness and so much light fire that light u up as a candle. And everything in Creation is just become so clear to u. And u know that LOVE is only power that can save this damage world.

    • Does Love recognize a world of space-time, and us believing it’s real? It’s a game we play and finding the one reality of Love, as you have, is the one truth. Maybe. I hope so!

  16. If that was years ago, have I mentioned how difficult I must be for the few friends who still care for me?
    — Richard, the few friends who still care for you, dont see you are “difficult”. They dont care how difficult or different you might be. They care for the YOU and not for the adornments (or quirkiness) that clad the person. They are only concerned with the TRUE YOU. They participate in the joy of being with you…. their interest is in the essential YOU, not in the ILLUSION of you. Doesn’t a person still love, unequivocally, when their puppy tears up their favorite slipper? It is a love without expectations, without conditions…. it is LOVE in the purest form.

  17. My Dad found peace in your beautiful book. As a little girl I read it too infact it’s by my bedside now. His funeral blessing was made from extracts from your book. He was a pilot too. He made his last flight into the lonely looking sky

  18. Just this week I heard a story from a friend. It’s the story of a guy who married a woman from the Amazon, he meet her there and they fell in love. She moved to the states with him. After about a year, she told him she could not live here anymore. She said the people here are so lonely, so separate. She couldn’t bear it. So she left him and returned to the life she knew.
    Life is like that, we often don’t appreciate what we have until we see something different, and not liking that, return to where we know there is joy.
    I would venture to guess there are plenty of people in the same boat, myself included, knowing what it is like to have that intimate person close by, and now living without that. Speaking for myself, I’ve done well alone. I was always an unusual person, can see things, hear things, would answers people questions before they gave their voice to it, and that scared many people off. Spooked them actually. Better to be alone then to alter yourself to suit others.
    At this time, I happen to be sick, intestinal flu, and sat friday moaning and groaning at being by myself, no one to check that you’re still alive! Ha! But today, the phone hasn’t quick ringing, everyone I know has called to talk. So the universe has provided once again. I know the universe will provide a companion when the time is right. I do know I don’t want to be alone for the rest of this life. I’ve given up looking and have made peace with the solitude, and know who to call and chat with when it hits. I wish this peace for you Richard. Blessings to you for your great messages.

  19. I just had to write, lying in bed, feeling horrid, the idea of perfection wouldn’t leave me alone. So here I am, wanting to write a bit about that.
    Who’s perfection? What is perfect? A flower in full bloom, a beautiful sunset, but as far as people go, this isn’t the world of perfect people. We’re here to learn and grown, and as such, have all kinds of wrinkles to iron out.
    About two years ago, I met a guy who wanted a date. So I went for it. He told me I was the perfect woman. Beautiful, smart, etc, etc. How nice. Unfortunately, he was not anywhere near what I would label perfect, since he used so many cliches in talking and told me how boring every one was where he lived on the island. It caused me to think of the old saying, “I was looking for a perfect woman, and when I found her, she was looking for the perfect man.” Ha.
    It’s not perfection we want, it’s someone who will resonate with us. Someone who can understand us, and hear us when we speak. How glorious to have someone where there is no need to explain ourselves. They understand us. I believe it’s that simple. Acceptance for who we are. I believe that is what we are all looking for. Don’t you agree?

  20. Glad to see you back here, writing and sharing. I missed your blog.

    I’ve been with my guy for almost 20 years. We weren’t teenagers when we met…but young enough to still believe in forever. It was always in the back of my mind, though, about living with someone for the rest of my life. Wouldn’t we get bored with each other? Would our physical features meld into a male/female version of the same person after a half century? What would we talk about for all of that time? Would I still find him attractive with weight gain/loss…hair/no hair…all the things that made me lust for him initially, would that fade?

    The answer for me so far is…yes. The relationship has changed over the years. Our looks have faded in certain ways…but…my eyes don’t usually see the hair loss, or the love handles. The more I learn about him…the more impressed I am with him.

    At least in the beginning, I was able to recognize that our shared foundational joys were important, and would provide the support later when the fire and flash faded away. There is an ebb and flow to our relationship that I couldn’t even begin to understand in the beginning. Had I known that it wasn’t always going to be flowing…I don’t know if I would have been up for it.

    But the ebbing is where the growth happens for me. I wanted the experience of loving someone that wasn’t related to me by blood…someone that I chose to love….and commit to that love in all of its faces.

    We are not perfect. But we have built a relationship over the years that allows us to be perfectly imperfect with each other. We give each other space to stretch out and try on new ideas, knowing if they don’t work out, we are still here for each other.

    There is a lot of peace in my life knowing this about us…about him.

    Traveling through life together has taught me to appreciate the totality of a person…all the angles. The more facets I am privy to that a person has…the more dazzling they are when the light shines upon them. Without this marriage experience, I don’t know if I would have gotten that quite as fast.

    My marriage has given me the experiences needed to love myself more fully…and to forgive myself, too. We don’t live for each other…we choose to live with each other, while we continue to individuate.

    I had a sheltie when I was a girl. She was my best friend…and starting out life with her was a gift I will always cherish. I still miss her. She taught me a lot about love. Best to you, Richard…

  21. When looking for the perfect woman, why restrict her to a ‘physical’ body? …surely she (your ultimate soul mate) has always been with you and is the ‘other half’ of your perfect interpretation of life, sometimes shared in a person but equally in a plane, b ite of panbread or simple thought.

    When you look in a mirror you don’t hionestly think that’s how you appear to others? …so what makes us think we can see yet?

    Surely the perfect woman knows what it is to actually BE the perfect day, not just to share it. Besides, if we stop looking for things to appear differently to us then we might free ourselves to see them as they truely are.

    She is all that you are, together. She knows exactly how you want her to ‘look’ and ‘be’ and I’m guessing that’s probably not restricted to a single deteriorating body in a single, limited space/time.

  22. How funny that the very night I go searching for what you have been up to, I find this post about this subject on your page. How funny that this is a subject I’ve been struggling with myself as of late. And how funny that it was the rediscovery of Messiah’s Handbook, tucked away at the back of my bookshelf, that brought me some semblance of peace on the matter.

    “The events you bring upon yourself, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what you need to learn.”~ This is what I opened the book up to read. It led me to think that maybe, in the case of relationships, hardships and troubles are to give us practice on how to love someone else in their entirety and see their imperfections as part of their perfection.

    I don’t know if the lesson I’m learning right now is about learning to love another person as completely as I can in their imperfection or if it’s to learn to love myself as perfect, regardless of how imperfect someone I value might see me. A little of both, I suspect.

    Maybe perfection isn’t something to go searching for, in another person, or even in yourself. Maybe perfection is simply accepting others as they are, and accepting ourselves as we are too.

  23. For a visual person, the picture impacts as much as the text.
    Replace the conifers with eucalypts and I took an almost identical photo at the time my last relationship ended. The beauty and softness of the landscape, the far, far horizons and yet so much is hidden by the mist. Anything could be down there, or nothing. In my case a city full of people was hidden by the fog, yet I stood on the hill top alone.
    So which is true, seeing to forever in perfect clarity or being hoodwinked by fog? Perhaps both, or neither? Do we choose to fly in clear air or walk carefully through the mist, feeling our way. Both can be beautiful.

  24. “No one is ready to shift into my life, as i am not willing to shift into theirs.” It is true. And doesn’t matter how long your life was. Sometimes it is hard even if your 23 years old, especially if yours soul very old.

    Richard, I think you’re wrong about :” Are there many who would love to meet a hundred-something gentleman, no matter how courteous he might be? Having guessed not…”

  25. I feel that ´´Perfection ´´ is too much of an abstract idea to be of any practical use when trying to make emotional choices that bring lasting gratitude and happiness so my answer to Richard´s question is ´´YES´´ . Like the most comfortable pair of shoes ever, a soul mate FITS us naturally without need to compel change although of course all successful unions grow closer as the joy of sharing each day makes it impossible to consider ever going back to life without HER as the rich tapestry of shared past grows ever richer!
    At whatever stage we are in our personal evolution the universe supplies us with the BEST FIT mate for the moment if we care to gratefully accept the opportunities presented. When we have fully learned how to use the magnetic power of sincere gratitude channeled through our solar plexus the ultimate soul mate should be sucked into our lives by the vacuum created by their not being part of our NOW and our not being part of their NOW -thats how I found my soulmate 🙂 . We all have more than one soulmate but not many more than 1 – best estimate my intuition tells me I have read is perhaps throughout time upto one soulmate for each strand that directly connects to our personal node in the flower of life (ie the place where all time is NOW aka God aka Everything ) will incarnate with us in most but not all incarnations.when we exist on the plains of linear time!

  26. I used to be recommended this website through my cousin. I am not certain whether this submit is written by means of him as
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  27. A choice

    care without attachment
    speech without words
    love without identity
    experience without suffering
    action without gravitational mishaps
    failure without consequence
    scars without pain
    life without death
    imagination without boundaries
    perfection without judgment
    choice of reality within the expanse

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